do not read.
My heart pounds as I look you in the face
You tell me you love me
and then push me and tell me Im a disgrace.
but not til my back has turned
will you tell me you yearn
to ignore me
to hate me.
you build something up
and knock it all down.
Can I trust that you love me?
Can I trust that you don't lie?
How do I know this isnt just another game.
You put me to shame.
You want me to trust you? But what you give me every reason not to. You have people come up to me and tell me all these lies. You get involved with someone whos "madly" in love with you? What about me? I thought I was your girlfriend, the one who you wanted to be with for awhile, not forever, not ever. I can understand that, Forever is just a fairy tale something that isnt real. A distance that is too great to deal with. Yeah, I get that, I dont want that either, but a while, maybe a year? Someone who wont treat me like crap, thats you, though sometimes, you upset me, though sometimes I dont get you, Im still here. After I get yelled at by that girls sister, after I sit here and take her giving me the finger and smirking at me, talking crap about me infront of me loud enough for me to hear. You dont want me? Then leave, dont tease.
You want me to respect you? Show me some too. I tell you I love you, I show you respect, what else do you want? I try my hardest to give all the trust I can. You go over a girls house, its a natural reaction to be a bit jealous, its a girl whos madly in love with you or so she says, shes only fourteen, how old are you sir? Maybe you shouldnt dabble with women her age, because they dont know, neither do I, neither do you.
I try to help you in anyway I can, blankets, places to live, education. I kept those messages from that certain day, when you told me youd throw weed, smoking, drinking away. I believe you can do it when you want. How many people just shrugged their shoulders and said it isnt going to happen? How many told me it was just what he usually says and doesnt do it. Who believes in you? Who will stick by you? Not a fourteen year old thats for sure.
You want me to respect you? Show me some too. I tell you I love you, I show you respect, what else do you want? I try my hardest to give all the trust I can. You go over a girls house, its a natural reaction to be a bit jealous, its a girl whos madly in love with you or so she says, shes only fourteen, how old are you sir? Maybe you shouldnt dabble with women her age, because they dont know, neither do I, neither do you.
I try to help you in anyway I can, blankets, places to live, education. I kept those messages from that certain day, when you told me youd throw weed, smoking, drinking away. I believe you can do it when you want. How many people just shrugged their shoulders and said it isnt going to happen? How many told me it was just what he usually says and doesnt do it. Who believes in you? Who will stick by you? Not a fourteen year old thats for sure.
Ill always believe you always respect you and always hold you close to my heart. I dont care if you feel the same, I dont care if you do what you do.
I went to you instead of listening to those jerks, I talked to a few people and asked what really happened after you left, because It was weird, it didnt make sense, you didnt answer your phone. So tonight when you get calls they arent my doing. I dont want people to call you, I want you to tell me whats going on thats all. But your phones probably messed up, and your probably going to go hang out with that girl, because shes your friend.
Make your decision and choose wisely, Im only going to be here for a little bit. I will take all I can take until I explode, but I believe you over them becasue I think I know you a little bit better than they do. I know you can do it. I know your capable. You make me happy, and I thought I made you happy. I try my hardest to stay at a constant, but Im up and down. I wont kill myself if you break up with me. Or kill you, thats just ridiculous.
Im going to talk to my friends about whats going on yes, but Im not asking them to spread anything, and if they do Ill know it. It just bugs me how you tell me you love me but you go to someone else who wants to ruin our relationship because she thinks shes in love.
Hun, she doesnt know what love is.
I went to you instead of listening to those jerks, I talked to a few people and asked what really happened after you left, because It was weird, it didnt make sense, you didnt answer your phone. So tonight when you get calls they arent my doing. I dont want people to call you, I want you to tell me whats going on thats all. But your phones probably messed up, and your probably going to go hang out with that girl, because shes your friend.
Make your decision and choose wisely, Im only going to be here for a little bit. I will take all I can take until I explode, but I believe you over them becasue I think I know you a little bit better than they do. I know you can do it. I know your capable. You make me happy, and I thought I made you happy. I try my hardest to stay at a constant, but Im up and down. I wont kill myself if you break up with me. Or kill you, thats just ridiculous.
Im going to talk to my friends about whats going on yes, but Im not asking them to spread anything, and if they do Ill know it. It just bugs me how you tell me you love me but you go to someone else who wants to ruin our relationship because she thinks shes in love.
Hun, she doesnt know what love is.
if it wasnt meant to be read it wouldnt have been written. im not playing a game im living life. im not picking a 14yr old over you.
ReplyDeleteim not picking i dont loveher or like her alot shes a friend and shes out of line i told her.
but truth be told im always gonna do what i want rules dont apply to me. my momms told me that since i can remember because if there are rules id of broken em. i dont cheat i dont play i live my own way.
maybe sometimes i cant be trusted. but whats got you thinking i trust you? were on the same page with trust. its thin dude not my actual trust but when you write shit like that its stupid. if i want to leave i will nothing personal i can still be friend but im not sitting in something thats all mistrust and presumptions fuck that. and you think you have to make me happy. youre wrong we all make ourselves happy and if we dont we go to a doctor that blames it on chemical inbalance and give us pill. now happiness isnt a science or medical study so why do we need pills? who cares everyones fucked up end. i do what i want when i want where i want with who i want. i make my rules and sure they wont get me far yet but when i want to go far i changed them upgrade them.
im extremely intelligent but very ignorant at times okay. im me always wil be wether its the old me new me or now me im always me on the inside.
im an asshole. i never tell people im not. i dont lie often and not to you i dont do things i cant handle but honestly your hurting my head. you think its you. you think your the reason. your not its not you you dont need to make me happy. you dont need to apologize or dry or explain you need to fucking live. step back look at the mess and walk the fuck away lmao seriously its life. there are other puzzles. i know cause im always looking for newer harder ones.
upgrade your quality of life. stop caring about so much un important shit care about other unimportant shit.
dont be me or like me. be you and if it doesnt match up find a new pair to fit in. thats life. im not an asshole. im a complete fucking dick. but whatever its just life, right?