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When you touch me I gasp
I want more
I want it to last
A dangerous touch gives me chills
What do I do
I want to beg I want to plea
Give me more
Please just love me

I couldn't finish this blog the night I wrote this too distracted to even finish.

American beauty....
The girls aee so young and they put their children through hell. They grow up thinking plastic. Perfect is okay and that's how you will get through life. Shaving your daughters legs giving her spray on tan and whitening her teeth. Putting foundation on her face to cover any scars imperfections darken her plucked eyebrows to make them more profound. Little miss perfect. Perfection in this world is like when schizphrenics believe that someone is really there when they aren't. We put children through a false reality and then send them off into a perfect barbie world. We neglect to tell them about the herion addicts, crackheads and coke fiends lined up on the streets. We neglect to tell them that its not okay that daddy touches them and all that other messed up shit. They see people in their lifes that could be real their real friends and instead they rather win fake gold and all metal trophies that tell people that they were the prettiest girl in the show. Miss perfect little sunshine.

I got to spend the day with someone I thpught reay didn't love me. In the beginning I figured he liked me to spite his friend. I remember the first real day he met me we were at the mall eating burger king and sipping soad when he told his friend he liked to screw up his relationships. I was a bit worried because I thought I liked his friend. His friend and I are the same age which had me worried. We all know 16 year old boys only want sex, escpecially when they get what they want. That's all this boy ever wanted. Sure he was cute, shorter than me but he scared me. He reminded me of the boy I lost my virginity to. He took it all away in an instant and now that's all gone. There's no more me. Everythings been exposed. But maybe I can have a new beginning. I hung out with the boy I'm now dating most of the first day we met. Just having him there made me feel safe. He took me away from the group. I don't like big groups so it was nice. We talked about everything and nothing. I was afraid to br around him. Afraid id be like my friend and like one boy but be with the other and then go back.. though the other is a big ball of sunshine he seems like he's always just putting on a show. Always seems to be the one who likes being lod and always want the center of attention. He tries so had to flatter women through sexual encounters and cheesy tactics to pick up girls. I'm not one of those girls. I hung with him and felt awkard and lost. I hung out with my boyfriend and felt awkward too afraid id be a slut in his eyes if I was with his friend and him. In the end I chose him. He made me scared and excited. He went out of his way to show me happiness and his own way. He went with me walked to the mall with me and I realized that he wouldn't leave me if something new and fresh came along. I mean I still worry hell find someone who warms his heart like I do, but aren't we all afraid?

It may be hard to follow that story but it makes sense to me and that's all that matters, yeah people may read it and its publicly shown on the internet but its for me.

I enjoy this boy who is not only my boyfriend but my best friend, though we've only neen together for a week and known each other for like two or three, time doesn't seem to matter.

Ill post more later.

Its time to just float through the day on a clod of happiness or a cloud of sorrow. Ill be the one to decide my fate